Life-Transforming Question for Quietly Accomplished Women over 50
who, despite years of hard-won wisdom,
still aren't Living the Life they Love:

It may seem like by mid-life, everyone is sorted out.  Open your Facebook stream and it’s all right there: the old college friends with happy shiny faces, taking trips to Japan, the “big reveal” of their kids’ acceptance to Stanford.

It feels like your time has passed. It’s too late. Your kid is going to community college and you’re going to live out your golden years in a trailer in his back yard. If you’re lucky.

It is totally normal for what I call "the worms of despair" to be running your worries, because the social-media scarcity-fueled world we live in conspires to make you feel envious and fearful.  With envy and fear worming their way into your heart and brain, of course inspiration can not get in.

The reality is, you don’t really care that the old roomie took her family to Japan, you just want your family to be happy. And you’re pretty sure that you won’t end up living in a trailer.

The fact is, you are lucky. You have already lived an exceptional life. Now, at mid-life, you are in the perfect position to cash in on the accomplishment, knowledge, experience, and wisdom that you have spent decades accumulating in your experience bank and finally live the inspired life you have been waiting for.

What you Need:  

You need to remove your fear of losing it all so that you are free to use it all.

You are the glue. This is one of your introvert superpowers - seeing the big picture and knowing exactly what is needed to fill the gaps.  

The truth is, and this may sound harsh:  you have trained your peeps to need you.

Saying yes, when you really want to say no, is a way of ensuring that you’re indispensable. And why not, when you’re just marking time?

But here’s the thing:  your gut knows when you’re settling. Every demand you say "yes" to adds to your pile of resentment. And your peeps feel it.

What you need:

You need a vision of your life that is so compelling, so vibrant and juicy that you can’t let it go. You need to fall in love with your life again. When you experience that aliveness, you will become clear on what you are no longer available for. Your peeps will rise to the challenge. Heck, getting out of their way may give them a chance to grow too!

​ It doesn’t seem fair for you to have so much, when others have less.  You should be working hard to make a difference, not goofing off (i.e. creating) and having fun (i.e. doing what pleases you). This is the message we get as kids - to work hard, follow the rules, and be rewarded. Following this message may lead to success, but not to life satisfaction.  

Unfortunately, most Life Planning books feel like work.  The truth is, completing Values Clarification worksheets simply isn’t inspiring, and the idea of spending Sunday afternoon over an Excel template, crunching five-year targets for your escape plan doesn’t make you feel all goose-bumpy inside. 

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The truth is - and this is a big one - you can have both work and play.  In fact, living an inspired life demands it.

Falling in love with your life does require commitment. You have to show up for it, as you would any relationship.

The commitment is to play. When your life aligns to support your full self-expression, magic happens, because when you give yourself permission to be as relaxed and playful as a child again, work becomes  play.

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What you Need:  

You need a way to bypass all that figuring and directly experience yourself, right now, 100% alive, juicy, and free.  Then you are pulled towards the unique difference only you can make, and life becomes full of ease.  That’s your measure of an inspired life. No one ever fell in love with a worksheet.

As an introvert your brain is wired to look before you leap. You can run scenarios FOREVER, and you enjoy it!  You decide to take another class or wait for your husband to retire.

It makes perfect sense to want to stay put when the alternative is murky, overwhelming, and unclear.

The truth is (and I say this with love) not committing to your life without limits, when your soul yearns for it, is a form of self-abuse.  You already know this. You know that you can’t stand one more day of incrementalism. When you allow yourself to take that in, you will feel your energy shifting to a new future.

What you Need:
You need to get clear. Specifically, you need to get clear on what you really want. With that clarity, you begin to get your ducks moving in the direction you want to go.

Where did we get the idea that we have to figure it  all by ourselves? The pull-yourself-up by the bootstraps message is all around us, and it's getting worse. Heck, sit in any restaurant and you'll see 9 people out of 10 staring down at their phones, trying to find connection through an app.

The thing is, for most of us, staying in our heads is claustrophobic. The same thoughts keep going around and around.  It's almost impossible to shine a mirror on our own stuff. And it's lonely to be in there alone. 

The truth is, you grow when you reveal ourselves to another real live person and see recognition in her eyes.

What you Need:
You need a beautiful container of support that will hold you as you become the woman that you long to be.  You need someone who can compassionately shine the light on the places where you stop yourself and accountability to move forward.  And you need peers who are on the same path, who see you, celebrate you and challenge you to be you, at your best.